Resentment

We were speaking last night about sound, the reverberation of sound being as ourselves. Sound is energy, and we are energy. Just as that movement of energy, which is sound, reverberates, and affects everything in its path, so we also affect that which is in our path, because we are likewise movements of energy in the planet, in the universe. Whatever we do, whatever we think, whatever we feel, whatever we experience, is a movement of energy in the organism, which reverberates whether we like it or not. Perhaps the Buddhists understand that so deeply that they talk about the importance of right action, right conduct. Maybe it has been understood, somehow, for thousands of years in different terms, in different religions.

Somehow human beings know how they affect one another, and they also know about suffering. Every religion has some kind of precepts or commandments, or rules. Of course, societies, as well, have rules in order for people to have harmony in their daily living. Awareness of ourselves as this movement of affecting energy brings about, very naturally, a desire to live in such a way that our actions would be the same as the precepts or the commandments or the laws or the rules—no matter what philosophy, and no matter what religion! So caring for others must be something very natural to us. Perhaps not enough people are attending to the truth of this, the truth about themselves.

When we are aware that we are this palpitating energy, these waves of energy affecting everything—when we are aware of this (Ligia makes a circle with her hands, to illustrate holistic awareness) when we truly realize and experience, compassionately, the results of our actions, we can no longer live in great anger, or resentments, or hate. We naturally no longer do that. We were speaking a little bit about anger last night, were we not? We didn’t touch on resentment too much, did we?—not last night. Perhaps we can do that today.

When we hang on to the anger we feel toward someone, and we continue with this anger day after day, what we are hanging on to is resentment. Animals don’t seem to hang on to resentment . . . have you ever noticed? Dogs don’t seem to “resent”; they may have been mistreated, but they go right back to wagging their tails! We don’t do that. We hang in there with our feelings. And both animals and humans have memories to hang on to. Dogs are guarded against some movements that in their memory are threatening and therefore they will protect themselves. But as soon they see that nothing is happening, there goes the tail again! (Laughter)

Not so with human beings! Resentment creates a chemistry, a change in the whole body, and it is detrimental to it. Frequently people who are ill have many resentments that have accumulated in memory. Quite often, if they become religious, and they begin to forgive, they start to change the chemistry of their own body, and they begin to be healthier. However, that process reinforces the belief in blaming and forgiving. Unfortunately that is the way that it happens. I say unfortunately because true love does not “forgive”, for true love does not “blame” in the first place.

We have learned to resent since we were knee-high, because we function in such a way that resentment is inevitable. So in looking at yourself, you cannot blame yourself for being resentful, because you are already psycho-physically set up to be able to resent. It is the way we function that allows that to occur. Resentment is already a defense; resentment is already a wall between us; resentment is also resistance. When that movement of energy exists, your whole body radiates that resistance, and people are affected by it, whether you like it or not, and whether you want it or not. It just happens that way.

Somehow, however, as soon as we become aware, we wake up to the truth of our way of being. Then resenting begins to dissolve as the functioning changes, as your whole body changes, and you cannot “resent” if it kills you! No matter what—you cannot resent!

This might sound impossible to some people. This may be what is meant by “turning the other cheek”. Turning the other cheek probably does not mean that you must forgive and become a victim, but rather it is being able to take the blow of the energy that is hostile, without resisting. In that, there cannot be any resentment . . . (Pause) I’m going to leave you right there, and see where you take me from there. Where do you want to go? In terms of how we spoke last night, what can you say about resentment?

Questioner. Do we have to have an object for our resentment? Ligia. Resentment has some object out there, being directed to. We don’t usually experience resentment for the pure sake of resenting, not as a rule. In meditation we might be able to experience resentment, per se, without an object, but in our daily living we find an object. But I think the way you’re going, in your exploration, is looking for “resentment”, pure and simple. Is that correct?

Q. It just seems, in my own experience, I’m aware of resentment but not of a reason or object.

Ms. Dantes: Right. Okay. If you’re lucky you’ll realize that resentment doesn’t have to have a reason. It is a happening in the organism. You may be resenting yourself, nature, or God—something that doesn’t make any sense to you. That anger is also a happening in the organism. The resentment may be a hanging on to the anger. There’s not much difference between them.

Q. I’ve noticed that the words that are used in relation to these things affect how I relate to what I’m doing. It’s like if I “have to do something” I can have resentment, but if I say I choose to do, or am going to do something, the resentment isn’t apt to occur. It’s interesting how subtle the limitations we put on ourselves can be.

Ms. Dantes: The moment you are responsible, and you are not there resisting, there is no problem.

Q. It seems that we are all subject to expectations, and if we don’t feel anger, we feel hurt. If you expect something that doesn’t happen, you are hurt.

Ms. Dantes: Yes, you are hurt, you get angry, and you resent. I’d like to come back to Emily, because you had a question last night about the correlation that I made between resentment and turning the other cheek. Turning the other cheek means not resenting, not experiencing any resentment. You cannot turn the other cheek if you are resenting, because only resentment is what is active; that’s a happening in you. That’s what I was trying to say . . . (Pause ) What else? What about resentments? What can you say?

Q. The other way I have is living in denial.

Ms. Dantes: Evelyn was talking about not seeing the logic. When I think of “me”, I don’t see those things because I don’t want to see them. So it doesn’t seem logical because I can’t look beyond to see what’s going on. I mean, I don’t look beyond, especially when the resentment blocks out everything else.

Ms. Dantes: It is very consuming. Have you ever noticed how your body reacts to what we call resentment? Have you ever really, truly, experienced what happens in the organism? You can really see that there is no separation between body and mind. You cannot experience joy, if what is happening in you is resentment. If you are a human being, whether you like it or not the chances are that you will experience that kind of emotion, because it is typical of human beings to experience these emotions. Unfortunately, we have been judgmental about them, and through religion we have made resentment a “bad” thing. So if you feel resentful, you’re a “bad” person. You’re supposed to change yourself, repent, and ask for forgiveness, and beat yourself up, so that you can be a “better” person, without resentments. But they are still working, they are still there, and keep on happening within you. You get rid of one resentment, but you have another! Even if your resentment for someone in your daily living is pacified, and gotten rid of, another one pops up, either at work, or in the family situation, or whatever.

We haven’t looked at resentment or resenting as a way of functioning. We haven’t been able to look at it neutrally, without what we have “known” about it. We have not been able to experience it within a neutrality, without having an object—someone to resent—without having a reason. We have not experienced resentment just as a happening in the organism. Tom . . . ?

Q. It’s not so much a person, but more the actual truth. There are times when people are supposedly being honest with each other, and someone’s saying something, and suddenly another person says, “I resent that!”

Ms. Dantes: So when I say something like, “I resent that remark”, it’s simply because they are telling the truth! We don’t like to hear the truth, sometimes, do we? So we resent it. Resentment can be a spontaneous, momentary emotion that does not have to stay. It is when it stays with us that it begins to eat at our heart, so to speak.

Q. You were talking about neutrality, and how we’re conditioned to forgiveness. Even, sometimes, when a person is truly in a state where they are not resenting, but they’re truly neutral, but other people don’t believe that a person can really be that way.

Ms. Dantes: That’s right; it’s very interesting. If you suggest that you don’t have too many emotions about things, people are apt to say “What do you mean, you don’t have any emotions?” It isn’t believable! Some people would think you had something up your sleeve. If you don’t go with the run of the mill, people become suspicious!

It happened to this person (pointing to herself) in Fresno. There was a lady who was very worried about what I was doing, because I didn’t charge for my work, and I wasn’t a Catholic nun, I wasn’t a Buddhist, I wasn’t a member of any religion. So how could I do what I was doing without charging? She was asking people what they thought I had “up my sleeve”. It is not conceivable. If you don’t have a frame of reference to compare something to, it is just not right! If I had worn a Catholic habit, no problem! See, it is already in our systems, already in our memory, and if we have something to compare it to it’s okay—unless the person believes that all nuns are fakes! And then you’re judged because you wear a habit. Most people think I am a Judo expert, because of what I’m wearing! (Ligia wears a Japanese field jacket.) Can you imagine? It is whatever is predominantly in the mind that behaves. If love is predominant, that’s what behaves. If compassion is predominant, that’s what behaves. When emotions predominate, you may be resentful.

Ms. Dantes . . (Pause) We are extraordinary movements of energy, you know.

Q. If one were fearful and turned the other cheek, you wouldn’t know what was going to happen. But if you were just living life, then turning the other cheek would be a very natural thing to do, because you would always be turning the other cheek.

Ms. Dantes: Yes. Turning the other cheek really means non-resisting, not resisting what is.

Q. Without having any memory or fear in it.

Ms. Dantes: You can have memory, but not necessarily have any energy in it. I can remember something, but the memory will not make any difference. Say I go to the park and I see a dog being killed, and I feel emotions. The next time I go to the park I will have memory of the dog being killed, but if I don’t hang on to any emotions, it will be just a memory and no more than just the scene and a memory of the emotions I felt. I’m not reliving the memory as if it were a fact. That’s the difference. That’s being with “what is”. Turning the other cheek doesn’t mean you don’t protect yourself, but it’s how you protect yourself that makes the difference. Not coming from, “Oh God, why me?” but from: this is what is happening, and I’m responsible. It’s a little different. Do you have questions about that?

Q. Can you train yourself to do this?

Ms. Dantes: You can train yourself, for example, in the martial arts, and you might learn to do some things automatically. But there may be a specific or very special situation where there is a stimulus that you didn’t learn about, or practice protecting yourself from, which throws you, and your practice goes out the window! That stimulus may hit a “button”, a memory, and you just don’t know what to do because you did not practice for it; and you might revert back to just punching angrily.

Q. It is interesting. When I was taking aikido, one of the first things you learn is to deal with one thing at a time. It’s all just very matter of fact, and a lot of emotion just gets in the way.

Ms. Dantes: Right. You can train yourself for that, just like a pilot is trained to contend with all the things he has to deal with, to bring a plane safely to the earth. But there may be a distressful moment that there has been no practice for, and then only faith can get you through. At that moment you still have to be able to say, “Either it will or it won’t.” Do you understand what I mean?

Q. I guess I’m wondering if that training of being there, actually in the present, would enhance it . . .

Ms. Dantes: It does; it does. That’s why pilots are able to handle what they handle. But there may come a point, that no matter what you did . . .

You see, you cannot expect nature to do only what you train for! Nature does what nature does. Can we ever practice enough to cover everything that nature can do? Like wind shears: you may know about wind shears, but the forces at that moment are never exactly like the forces that we studied. It’s always a new movement. You can’t train yourself for life. You just take life the way it comes! When you do that, it’s very easy, and you’re not resisting what is. . .

We will resume at seven o’clock. Namaste.